So, I have a little joke to tell you that
may offend your sensibilities a bit, but don’t blame me. I stole the joke from a friend of mine. I just embellished it a bit.
A seven-year-old boy walks into his
parents’ room and sees them doing what married people do. Specifically, he saw his father shoving his
large, hairy dick into his mother's shaved vag.
There's a tampon string hanging out the side and a bit of blood and
pussy juice dripping down her thigh. The
mother is on top, of course. In the few
seconds that the son stood there, gape-jawed and unblinking, he also noticed a
hand-blown glass buttplug sticking out of his mother's loose, jiggling
asshole. Had he stayed another few
seconds, he would have seen his mother's worn-out sphincter give way and engulf
the buttplug, shattering it and causing severe internal haemorrhaging which
will end up killing her in three days.
He may have also noticed the silver cock ring wrapped around his
father’s scrotum, cutting off circulation but transforming his member into a
giant, purple penis of glory.
Mind you, due to the angle of the bed and
the position of the door and the height of the child and the scratchiness of
the unwashed polyester bed sheets which caused the parents to have sex on top
of the sheets tonight, the kid had the perfect angle to see all of this in
clear detail, and, because his dear mother bought him a new pair of
prescription glasses the week prior, was able to see each individual hair and
piece of stubble on his parents’ pubic regions and asses. A brilliant sight, worthy of pay-per-view, if
I do say so myself.
He screams and slams the door and runs to
his room. The parents finish up and the
mother turns to the father, "Honey, maybe you should go check on him and
make sure he's okay." "Okay,
sweetie, I'll go check up on him."
He puts on his robe--after wiping a bit of blood off his cock, of
course--and walks down the hall to his son's room. When he gets to the door, he hears sobs and
groans and realises just how upset his son is.
"Oh dear," he says as he prepares to open the door.
When he pulls the door ajar, he sees his
seven-year-old son, balls-deep in his grandmother’s anus. His grandmother, face-down in a pillow, was
weeping openly and would be choking on her own tears if it weren’t for her
oxygen mask which, even though it was knocked askew, made enough contact with
her face to keep her breathing well and alert enough to “enjoy” each thrust of
her grandson’s penis into her age-withered anus.
About here in the joke is where I usually
like to throw in a word of cautionary advice:
Buttsex is fine and dandy, but there’s a very narrow timeframe in which
it is acceptable and, at the very least, hygienic. That timeframe is from 18-years-old, for
obvious legal reasons, to about 30. Once
you hit 30, the anus goes through what I like to call the chilli sauce
phase. I don’t think I need to explain
any more. From 40 to 50, however, it
dries up and it’s ready to use again.
Once you hit 50, though, that’s when everything loosens up and it’s no
longer fun to play with.
Now, back to this son’s room, which was
painted a nice combination of pastel greens and blues. The squeaking of the boy’s mattress and the
sudden opening of the door excited everyone in the room. The young golden retriever puppy that was
curled up on the floor immediately bounded onto the bed, burrowed his way under
the son and the grandmother, and gleefully shoved his tiny, furry, little head
into the grandmother’s vagina. When this
happened, the grandmother became so distraught that she died of shock and her
bowels instantly released, sending this kid flat up against the wall like a
champagne cork.
When he fell from the wall after adhering
to it for a few moments, a perfect silhouette was formed of the child on the
wall in the large splatter of dead-old-cunt shit. The impact cracked his skull, and with the
son being a masochist, forced him to ejaculate all over the room. Buckets of cum went flying through the air,
some of it splattering against the dad’s glasses. Let me remind you that this boy is only about
seven years old and this was probably his first ejaculation, which is usually a
very eruptive event, if you can remember your own. The son lay bleeding and shit-covered on the
sandy berber carpet and breathed heavily, a few chunks of runny shit on the
corner of his mouth. The collapsing body
of the grandmother snapped the head off of the puppy and the puppy’s body fell
to the floor where it twitched for a few minutes and then lay still forever.
"What the hell are you doing to your
grandmother‽" yelled
the father in sheer horror. "See‽ It's not so cool when it's
YOUR mum, eh‽" exclaimed the exhausted boy before
collapsing to his death.
Did I say this joke might offend your
sensibilities? Because if I didn’t, I’m
terribly sorry and I will put such a warning on my future jokes starting
now. If I did put the warning on the
joke at the beginning and I forgot about it, I apologise for this apology, but
I would recommend you seek help for having read this. If you read every bit of this horrid,
baseless joke, you have some sort of psychological illness. I’m not a doctor, so I can’t diagnose your
illness, but I can tell you that you have one.
And it’s bad. Not nearly as bad
as the mental illness that this poor child had from seeing his parents caught
in a depraved moment of their marital career, but pretty fucking close. Seriously, please don’t rape your
grandmother. It’s not cool.
See, now this joke wouldn’t be nearly as
awful if the father hadn’t maintained an erection throughout the entire ordeal,
which he did. And it’s even more awful
since he was only wearing a robe, and when one has a raging boner in a
bathrobe, the robe generally is of no help to stop the whole chaotic “revealing
one’s self to minors” thing. The father
was eventually accused of murdering his wife by forcing the glass buttplug into
her anal cavity and forcing his son to rape his grandmother before killing both
of them and the dog.
These were false charges, every one of
them, but he was convicted and sentenced to twelve consecutive life sentences,
mostly for the way he presented his story to the jurors. No respectable conservative citizen doing
their public duty wants to hear about someone’s son “thrusting his wee little
boner into his grandmother’s anus--my MOTHER, dammit!--while a 7-pound dog rams
its fuzzy little head in between her labia, choking on gnarled tangles of
silver pubic hair.” He was innocent, but
he definitely deserved every day of that sentence. Why?
Because, frankly, I just don’t like the man. And in prison, no one observes the 18 to 30,
40 to 50 buttsex rule.